I Wonder Why…

I wonder how many like to write journals and how many also like to pick one up at random and read an entry written years back, perhaps. Well, I do. I like it because first of all, I don’t remember many of my thoughts or observations I made, maybe even a few months back, and reading old entries is often an enjoyable, at times enlightening, and often entertaining activity. But what I value most is the way I can track my growth through the years. The changes I’ve made. The ways I’ve adapted to the tough times; there were changes, many changes. If I’ve learned through my ups and downs… through my mistakes.

Here’s one 8-year-old entry which is a mixed bag of “wonder’ moments! 

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Sunday, July 31, 2011… This Sunday morning, I saw a middle-aged couple on their balcony. The man was sitting and reading the paper while his wife colored his hair. Their retriever was watching the whole process too. I wonder… would this man do the same for his wife? Color her hair while she sits and reads the paper in their balcony?

I observed the pigeons that live in the nooks of the apartment blocks all around us. They sure are lovey-dovey couples! But it’s the doves that symbolize love and peace, not the gawky pigeon. I wonder…

Why don’t I like Sundays and why do I look forward to Mondays? I’m not in a regular job, so why should weekdays or weekends make any difference to me. I #wonder…

My maid loves Hindi soaps. She goes all googly eyes and flapping ears if one is playing on the TV. I don’t care for them, at least most of them, yet, I switch on a particular soap. Now, why do I do that? I wonder…

Tell me to fill in a form, any form, and I get an anxiety attack! I’ve filled N number of forms; just two recently, but the stress stays. Now, why does that happen to me? I wonder…

I’m terrified of lizards… house lizards aka gecko. We have a lot of them in all sizes, crawling up and down the walls, overhead on the ceilings, hiding behind things and jumping out when startled, giving me a near heart attack! I don’t recall any frightening incident concerning them or any such thing. But I even get nightmares, at times, with lizards in them! Makes me wonder why…

I love to sing in the kitchen while I’m engrossed with cooking. One hears of bathroom singers but I wonder why no one mentions kitchen singers.

I rarely feel lonely when I’m alone. Most of my loneliest moments have been those when I had people around me. I wonder why…

I was with a group of teachers (women) recently, and they were all talking at the same time. It was a cacophony of voices and I wondered who was listening to whom and if anyone caught what was being said as strings of sentences flew across each other.

All of a sudden, one of them looked at ‘quiet’ me and said apologetically, “We’re teachers you know, we can’t stay quiet for long and neither can we sit still for long. It’s the bane of the job.”

To which I replied, “I’ve taught for over twenty-two years, I’ve never suffered the ‘bane of the job.’ I wonder why not.

I go out for meals alone, I shop alone, I travel alone, I live alone… but I can’t watch a movie alone in a cinema hall! I keep wondering why…

When people ask me what I do the whole day at home… I start to wonder…

I’ve been walking, religiously, for half an hour in the morning and half an hour in the evening. Is the lard gonna melt? Don’t even suggest that I walk longer. (My condition limits me to this time at present) Then I remember how it would take me 10-12 painful minutes to walk even 15-20 steps and by then I’d be drained and could do no more. I take heart at my progress and #wonder at God’s #goodness towards me.

There are moments when words seem inadequate, so I employ tears. I’m moved to tears with joy. I’m moved to tears by anger. I’m moved to tears by beautiful music, songs or poetry. I cry when someone I know cries. My eyes get wet reading sad stories and the tears flow when I laugh! Why do my tears have to speak when I’m pretty articulate? I wonder…

During the day, I rarely miss company but when evening falls, especially at evening tea, I would love to have good company. I wonder about these evening blues. 

I needed some passport snaps, which meant I’d have to go to the photographer; which also meant, I’d have to call a cab; which meant I’d be paying more for the cab than for ten copies of my PP pictures. On the advice of someone, I went to a small photography shop in the market near my place. It was called Light Of Life (LOL). Yes, they had that included, in parenthesis, on the signboard! My pics were clicked but they said I would get them in the evening. They also said I’d have to pay in advance, I did, and went home thrilled that I had saved money. 

I forgot about the pics by evening! When I went to pick up the pictures, the next day, the shop wasn’t there. Well, the structure was there, but the business wasn’t. They had shut down overnight and vamoosed! Well, LOL! I’m laughing out loud!! I wonder why… 

I used to have an elephant’s memory (that’s how a good memory is referred to) but now I just have its body and there’s nothing to wonder about that… I’m actually smiling, you know. I’ve finally found something I don’t have to wonder about today, and I can wrap up this piece and look forward to a great week!

 

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